Be the Village

I can only write from my own perspective as a mom, while desiring to be compassionate toward the millions of others. I am privileged, though within my own inner civil war of my ancestry I can understand the extent of that privilege, but I also cannot.

I have been a mom for over 19 years, and a single mom for 10. I find it hard to receive the particular compliment that I raised my children on my own. The idea is almost demanded on me even though I say that I was never alone. I know there are moms and dads out there that are alone. New to the country type of alone, working 3 jobs, no parents nearby, no siblings, church or friends, alone. I’ve never been alone, even in the darkest, most adverse times I had family, friends, and a community inherited from 5 generations of living on the same land. Even having the land, I could build a shack in the corner with my children and have more than some who are alone.

Some would say, get into a church, find friends, get involved and even expect that you are not trying hard enough. But they only understand the hard work and exhaustion with a firm net underneath them. I only understand the risks and challenges I’ve had, with a firm net underneath me. I returned to school to get my degree, before I was a single parent. I started part time, and when my youngest was in grade 1, we both went to school full time. I did distance education and completed classes during the summer. My oldest remembers being so proud of herself making oatmeal for the family when she was 8 years old.

The once stay at home mom, master gardener, food storer, herbal tea drinker and kids homework genius, had become a fall asleep during spelling practice (after every word!), self proclaimed master at eggs for supper, how did I not function without coffee drinker, mom. But I had one job, a demanding one but still just one that was scheduled during the same time as my kids, since I was a teacher. I never dreamed of becoming a teacher but I needed to be one right now and I was determined to be a good one. I had help from my parents, my inlaws, siblings, friends, and even my workplace was sympathetic to wanting personal days that would allow me to be home during my child’s day off of school. I know it was hard and I can be proud of myself, but there is also an awareness inside that it was not hard at all.

So there’s this saying, it takes a village to raise a child”, I have experienced that. My village was established for me, and even in its antiquated methods and unchallenged traditions it was and still is there for me. It’s the place my kids learned to be resilient and also be proud to make oatmeal for breakfast at 8 years old. The village that I’m part of was not my effort, it was already there. I did need to be vulnerable and receive help, but I rarely had to go asking for it.